My Treehouse of Horror
by kendramccormick
Summary: In these three stories, Homer finds a prisoner in the church basement, Otto is cursed, and the Simpsons are held prisoner. Parodies include an episode of the Twilight Zone, Thinner, and Misery. Please review.
1. Act 1: Homer and the Howling Man

**Act 1: Homer and the Howling Man**

**This story is a parody of the Twilight Zone episode "The Howling Man." Disclaimer: I am not Matt Groening, so I don't own The Simpsons. Enjoy!**

On one dark Sunday night, a pink sedan pulls into the church parking lot. Homer Simpson sprints through the doors with difficulty due to his weight.

He tiptoes through the pews in search of the half-eaten chicken sandwich he dropped during the morning's sermon, when he notices something unusual. "That's weird," says Homer. "The lights are on in the back. Is someone else here?"

He hears long, sorrowful howling. He shudders. "Maybe I should go home." But since when is Homer J. Simpson known for making the right decision? His curiosity wins out.

Homer realizes he there was a lot about the church he doesn't know. He sees very poorly lit sections filled with candles, cobwebs, skulls, scrolls, gems, and other things scattered. "What a dump. This is even worse than Moe's." He hears close footsteps. And runs right into Reverend Lovejoy. Who is dressed differently than normal.

"What are you doing here?" demands the Reverend. "You're not supposed to be here."

"I-I-I j-just came for my s-sandwich," says Homer.

"Oh, this?" says the Reverend. He holds up a paper bag. "Take it. And leave."

"Why are you here, Reverend Lovejoy? Are _you _supposed to be here? And by the way, you need some serious redecorating."

The Reverend sighs. "Well, I guess I can tell you. Homer, I am part of a secret brotherhood of dedicated to honesty. We have existed for centuries, fighting Satan and upholding truth."

"Oooh. That sounds pretty impressive." He hears the howling again. "What was that?"

The Reverend's eyes shift back and forth and he adjusts his collar. "What are you talking about?"

"That howling sound. Where's it coming from?"

"I didn't hear anything. Must have been the wind."

"OK. . . hey, wait a second. How stupid do you think I am?" (Probably best if the Reverend doesn't answer, no?)

"Now, Homer-"

"Don't you 'Now Homer' me! You're obviously hiding something, and I'm going to find out what it is if it kills me!"

"Homer, no! Come back! Stop! Oh, you damn fool."

Homer follows the sound of the howling until he comes to a cell in the church basement. He gasps. "Moe?"

"No, Homer. The howling man is in the next cell," says Moe, who appears in this story for no reason at all.

Homer looks in the next cell. There is a dirty man with a long beard. His eyes are wide and frightened. "Help me! I'm being kept prisoner!"

"Why?"

"The members of the cult of Honesty! They're liars! They're insane! Save me, good sir!"

"Um. . ." Homer isn't sure what to do. He can't help but wonder if there was a good reason this man was behind bars. "Um, I'll come back for you."

"Hurry!"begs the bearded man.

Homer rushes back to the Reverend's study. "Reverend, why is there a man in the basement?"

"There is no man. It's your imagination."

"Well, I have been told I have a very vivid imagination. No, no, I'm sure I saw a howling man with a beard. Why are you lying to me?"

The Reverend sits down. "Well, I guess I should tell you. Now understand this, Homer, because it's very important: you will tell no one else of this. Ever." Homer nods. "When I said there was no man, I wasn't lying. He's the devil himself."

Homer gasps. "But how did you capture him?"

"He made a mistake. He got careless. It's because of his excessive pride. Haven't you wondered why there haven't been any unnatural disasters, like war, for the last four years?"

"I thought it was because we couldn't make money off of one."

"No, Homer. It's because I captured the devil four years ago and have been keeping him here ever since. Now, you can't tell _anyone_. And under _no circumstances _should you let him out. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Good." The Reverend leaves. Homer goes back to the cells.

The bearded man says, "Please, let me out. The Reverend is lying. I'm telling the truth!"

Homer isn't sure what to do. This man doesn't _look _like the devil. But no, he promised he wouldn't let him out.

"I'll give you a doughnut if you let me out."

"Done!" Homer opens the door and he is handed a pink doughnut with sprinkles. He bites it. "Mmmm. Raspberry." But when he looks up from his reward he realizes he made a big mistake.

The bearded man now has two horns and he smells of brimstone. He was the devil all along! "D'oh! I've really screwed up this time." He hears something like an explosion coming from Lovejoy's study.

When he gets there, the study is an even worse mess and we hear Homer's trademark scream. The Reverend is laying on the floor in a pool of blood and with his entrails ripped. He is barely alive. Even Homer knows he won't survive. "You didn't believe me, did you?" says the dying man.

"No, but I do now. I'm so sorry. He looked like a normal man."

"Yes. He can do that. He can play tricks on us." The life drains from him.

"I-I'll capture him again, Reverend Lovejoy. I promise." The Reverend coughs up blood. Then he dies. Homer weeps,then sets off to right his wrong.

Eventually, Homer meets the devil again and traps him in the attic. (He finds him at a craps table in Las Vegas.) He locks and boards the doors and windows and all other ways out or in. He blocks the main door with a footstool and posts a dozen Do Not Open posters.

But one day Bart goes to the attic, curious. He is somehow able to get it open.

**The End(?) of Act 1**

**Well, I hope you liked that. There is more on the way. Bye.**


	2. Act 2: The Wolf Mann

**Act 2: The Wolf Mann **

**This story was originally going to be very different. I've also thought about expanding it into a longer story. **

It is a normal November afternoon. Otto Mann is driving the Springfield Elementary Bus when all of a sudden he feels excruciating pain and hits the brakes. He gasps and moans, not knowing what is going on. Then it hits him. He bends over trying to control it. Thick black hair, like on his head, covers his hands and his fingernails grow.

He has to get out of here before anyone notices. He also doesn't want to hurt any of the kids. Or even Principal Skinner. He heads for the door, only to be stopped by Skinner.

"Where's the fire, Otto?"

"Uh. . ." Sweat runs down Otto's face. _Think, man, think of something fast! _"Uh, I've got the flu."

"Oh." Then he looks at Otto's hands. Otto tries to hide them, but it's too late. "Are you cold?"

"Huh?"

"Are you cold? Is that why you're wearing gloves?"

"Gloves? Oh yeah, gloves!" That was a good save. "Well, I better go see a doctor." Otto sprints away, faster than he ever has before.

Skinner is still suspicious. "Bart, go check on Otto. Something's not right with him."

Otto has ran into the forest. Bart follows closely. He steps on a stick. _SNAP!_

Otto's head snaps. "Who's there? Oh, it's just you, Bart dude." He heard Bart coming for miles away. "Listen, you better leave."

"You don't really have the flu, do you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You looked fine before. You couldn't have caught it that fast."

"Well, uh, sometimes it takes a while to notice the symptoms."

"Please. Skinner may be fooled, but I'm not . Why don't you tell me the _truth?_"

"I can't tell you. Too dangerous."

"Oh come on. What are you, a pervert?"

"No! That's not it! I just can't tell you. Now get out while you can."

The hair on Otto's limbs grow longer. His spine stretches and contracts. He groans and it doesn't sound human anymore. "Run!" His teeth become fangs that crowd his mouth. He loses the ability to speak. His clothes rip and fall to the ground. The full moon shines in the sky.

Bart looks at him in fear. Where his bus driver was, there is now a colossal black canine with headphones and an orange hat. It snarls.

"Aaaah!" Bart screams. He runs all the way home. He goes into his room and under the covers,. _My bus driver is a werewolf._

The next day, Bart gets on the bus, legs shaking. He fears that Otto will tear him to pieces.

But to his surprise, Otto isn't driving the bus today. Superintendent Chalmers is. "Otto can't be here today due to health problems."

The day goes as normal. Bart gets detention, Lisa gets an A, Ralph eats glue, Nelson says "Ha ha." But the Simpson kids don't get on the bus today.

Bart pulls his sister aside. "Lis, I know why Otto wasn't here today," he whispers. "I saw it with my own eyes. He's a werewolf."

"Oh, Bart, there are no such things as werewolves."

"Oh yes there are. He grew hair and fangs and claws and everything."

"I believe you. I don't know why, but I believe you. But I think Otto might be in trouble. And no matter what he turned into, he's still our friend." Bart gulps and agrees to try to help Otto.

They find him in the woods where Bart last saw him. He looks scared and his hair is a mess. There is dirt under his fingernails. "What are you doing here?"  
"We were looking for you, Otto. We were worried something would happen to you."

"I'm fine. It's _you_ you should be worried about. I'm a powerful werewolf, and you're two vulnerable kids." Bart shudders. "Don't get me wrong, I don't _want _to hurt you. I'm just afraid. I'm not sure I'll be able to control myself."

"So how did this happen?" says Lisa.

"Well, it all started the day before yesterday. I had just finished driving the bus, when something amazing happened. I saw the most beautiful woman in the world.

"She had long wavy red hair that went a foot below her shoulders. She had blue eyes and long lashes. She was wearing a long green dress and a matching coat and gloves. She was also wearing this purple top hat, for some reason.

"Then her weird hat blew away. I caught it and brought it back to her. I was pretty nervous, but I managed to introduce myself." He rolls up his sleeve. There is a drawing of a rose with the name Beth Johnson and a phone number in it. "She's a tattoo artist. I think she might be interested in me."

"Wait a minute, what does that have to do with turning into a werewolf?" says Bart.

"I'm getting to that part. Anyway, as I was driving home, I was still distracted after meeting Beth, and I hit and kill an old lady. The cops do nothing. I think it was her fault though. She wasn't looking where she was going either. But then this dude in a hood shows up, and he curses me for killing his sister. And that's how it happened."

"So what are you going to do?" says Bart.

"I don't know." Then the wind blows something there way. Otto gasps. "Beth's hat! It's got blood on it! And there's a note: If you want to see this trouble-making harlot again, come to this location in an hour!" He takes a closer look at the address. "Either of you know where this is?"

Lisa looks at it. "That's Burns Manor!"

"Come on!" says Otto, clutching the hat. "We've gotta save Beth before it's too late!" The siblings try to keep up. It's not easy with his newly acquired werewolf speed.

When they reach Burns Manor, a net is dropped on them, and a mysterious gas is sprayed. They pass out. They come to in a large room, tied up. They're not alone. "Beth!" cries Otto. She is led at gunpoint by Mr. Burns.

"So," says Burns, "do you regret killing my sister?"

"Of course I do! But I'm pretty sure it was just as much her fault as mine! She was jaywalking! And while we're assigning blame, where were _you, _old dude?"

"Silence!" yells Burns.

"Mr. Burns, what's done is done," says Lisa. "We're sorry, but this won't bring your sister back."

"This isn't about bringing Virginia back, you little wench! This is about vengeance! Vengeance and a werewolf fur coat! Maybe even two coats and a toupee!"

Otto growls. "You're not getting away with this!" He changes and rips the ropes to shreds. He charges Burns, and with one swipe o f his claws decapitates him.

A wailing Smithers comes in and takes the corpse away. Otto resumes his human form, except his hands are still hairy and clawed. "Oh my god, I killed Mr. Burns!"

"I know," says Bart. "You're a hero!"

"Otto?" says Beth.

He gulps. He forgot about her. He's not sure how to explain this to her. "Um, Beth?"

She smiles and takes her gloves off. They're covered in red hair. He smiles back at her. "Maybe we're meant to be together." They walk off hand in hand. The full moon comes out, illuminating Springfield. Two wolves howl.

**This was a partial parody of Stephen King's Thinner, which he wrote under the name Richard Bachman. I liked this one. Otto is one of my favorite characters. I haven't decided what to write Act 3 about. Bye!**


	3. Act 3: Number One Fan

**Act 3: Number One Fan**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Matt Groening, duh. Finally! I thought I'd never get this far! This one is a parody of Stephen King's "Misery." The villain is none other than yours truly, kendramccormick . . . or should I say, Kendra Wilkes! Bwahahahaha! (Note: My- her- insanity is greatly exaggerated. As are many other things, like I made her a little older than me. I assure you, I'm not that crazy, and not obsessed with _The Simpsons_ to _that_ extent.) And with no more ado. . .**

The Simpson family car inched its way through a blinding blizzard. "This year's winter vacation to Hawaii is going to be the best – hey, Homer, watch the road!" exclaims Marge.

"I can't see anything!" complains Homer.

"Then use the windshield wipers!"

"They're broken!" Homer glances back at his children. Bart and Lisa are fighting over what movie to watch in the DVD player. Bart wants to watch the newest Radioactive Man, and Lisa wants to watch a horror movie with James Caan and Kathy Bates.

"Hey, what's wrong with the road?" says Homer as the car bounces up and down. Then he learns the source in the problem. "Aaaah! _Where is the road?!_"

The Simpsons scream in horror as the car swerves far off the road and lands in a ditch. As they lay unconscious, a mysterious figure drags them away, almost breaking her back from Homer's weight. . .

"I'm your number one fan."

"Huh?" says Homer. The Simpsons awake tucked in four beds and a crib to a strange woman standing over them.

She is somewhere in her early twenties, with glasses and thick brown hair, nearly black, in a bun. She passes out mugs of hot cocoa to everyone. "I'm Kendra Wilkes. I'm your number one fan. You were all in an awful car accident."

"Thank you for saving us, Miss Wilkes," says Marge, sipping her cocoa.

"Oh, no, no, none of that, Marge," says Kendra. "I _insist _you call me Kendra. And _I _should thank _you_. I've always been a lonely child. And your adventures have given me entertainment for years, and you made me feel like I wasn't so lonely. Oh, you coming here was an act of _God!_"

Lisa chuckles nervously; it's obvious something is wrong with their new host, but she can't tell what.

"So, Kendra, think we'll be ready to leave soon?" Bart asks.

"No!" screams Kendra. "You can't leave! EVER!" Then, realizing how crazy she sounds, quickly adds, "I mean, you can't leave until you're recovered at least. Heh, heh. I wonder what got into me." Then she looks at her wrist, though she wears no watch. "Holy crow! Great Scott! Oh my! Look at the time! I have to go do something somewhere. See you soon," she says, backing out of the room with a nervous yet sinister smile.

"Can I get a refill?" asks Homer.  
"Absolutely," says Kendra. She takes the mug and runs.

"Homer, doesn't something seem a little . . . _off _with Kendra?" asks Marge.

Homer scoffs. "You thought there was something was off about Hank Scorpio too."

"There was something off about him!" everyone else says.

Then Kendra storms back in the room. Lightning flashes outside and reflects off her glasses."You!" she shrieks. "How could you?! You're pulling the series off the air?! Do you know what that will do to me?"

"Well, I'm sorry, Kendra," says Marge. "But we think it's had a good run, and we're running out of good ideas for new episodes."

"I will not accept this!" shouts the madwoman. Her face is inches away from Lisa's, and due to the crazy look in her eyes, the eight-year-old genius can't tell what her captor will do next.

But then, before she does anything rash, Kendra takes a few deep breaths and stomps out. "Well, that was weird," says Bart. "What a basket case. She _needs _anger management."

"I heard that!"

"It would have been wasted if you hadn't!"

She returns with a crafty smile and something behind her back. "So, having problems coming up with new episodes, hmm?" The Simpsons nod reluctantly, not liking where this is going. "Well, _I _can fix _that_. Do you know what a fanfiction is? It's a story based on an existing story. It's become pretty popular. You see, I'm a writer, and I _love_ writing fanfics," she says, pulling out a laptop. "So I can help keep your adventures continuing for years to come. I'll present my first story tommorow. See ya!" She laughs manaically.

"You monster!" says Homer. "You're mental! You won't get away with this!"

"Oh, yes, I will," sings Kendra, eyes narrowing and focused on Homer.

"And what if I say no?" he demands. "Are you going to kill me?"

"Oh, no, Homer," she says, deceptively innocent smile growing to Cheshire Cat proportions. "I wouldn't do _that_. That would be a waste. I have other ways of forcing your cooperation." She pulls out a hammer.

"Kendra, no!" scream Marge, Bart, and Lisa. But they can't stop her. She strikes Homer's ankle and hobbles him.

There is a sickening crack as she hits him. He screams his trademark scream. His family stares in horror. "You've just been hobbled," she informs him cheerily. "It's a very old practice. If anyone else refuses to cooperate, they will meet the same fate. See ya!" she says, slamming the door.

"We've got to get out of this nuthouse and away from _her_," says Bart.

A few hours later. . .

Kendra has just dropped off the Simpsons' dinner, and the family dreads what literary horrors await them. However. . .

Their warden was unusually careless and left the door open. Maggie gets an adrenaline rush and escapes from her crib. Her family is too paralyzed with fear to notice.

She just can't take it anymore. She wants to get out of here, far away from the weird woman. She hopes that they can all escape soon.

As she crawls through the hallway, little hands feeling the plush sand-colored carpet, she feels a sense of dread and wonders exactly what horrors Kendra Wilkes is capable of. Then she sees a thick book on a little wooden table near an easy chair.

Curious, Maggie reaches for it and knocks it over. She can't understand written words very well, but the title reads "Memory Lane."

She drags it back to her family's prison cell. They look absolutely shell-shocked, like casualties of a war. Their faces light up when they see her. "Oh, my baby!" says Marge, scooping her up inher arms. "I was so worried!"

"What's that?" says Bart. "Oh, Maggie, why'd you have to bring us some old book? Why couldn't you get something useful, like a gun or a chainsaw to take out that old bat Kendra?"

"Yeah, or at least a can of Duff?" says Homer. "But I'm still glad you're OK, and that the Wicked Witch of the North didn't torture you. Anywho, let's see what that old thing has to tell us."

"I don't know, Homie," says Marge. "There may be things we aren't meant to see in there."

"I think let's go ahead and look in it at least once," says Lisa. "As a young scientist, I'm exceptionally curious, and I think there's no information too dangerous for us to discover."

They open it. The pages are covered with newspaper articles. With titles like "Deadly Fire Orphans 9-Year-Old Kendra Wilkes," "All Competitors In Middle School Essay Contest Die Mysteriously, Leaving Kendra Wilkes Victorious," "Strange Unexplained Deaths At High School, All Of Who Were Mean To Kendra Wilkes," and "Everyone Who Crosses Kendra Wilkes's Path Dies Or Exhibits Strange Behaviors Including A Desire To Write 'Fanfiction'," their suspicions are now certainties. They must leave at once, or they will never see the light of day.

Then the Simpsons hear a car in the driveway. They panic, for it must be Kendra. They all get back in bed and do their best to conceal the book.

They're all shuddering and holding to each other, when they hear a voice call out. "Hello?" says Chief Wiggum. "Anyone here? Ms. Wilkes, if you can hear me, you're behind on your taxes."

He walks near their room, his feet hitting the floor like pig hooves. "Hello? I need you to come to the station for questioning. Plus, I knocked over your mailbox."

The family cracks the door open and peeks. The obese, incompetent lawman may be their salvation. . .

_BANG! _The chief takes a bullet between the eyes. He falls to the floor dead. Kendra steps out from behind him, holding a smoking rifle. "I never really liked you, you sweaty jackass. Sorry, but I just couldn't let you ruin everything." She opens the door. "Oh, Simpsons?" she sings out. "I know you were out. You read my book, didn't you?" She chuckles sadly. "I can only imagine what you must think of me right now."

"What are you going to do to us?" asks Marge fearfully.

"Yeah, are you going to '_hobble_' us?" says Bart.

"Oh, no," says Kendra. "Worse." She grabs Maggie, who starts to squirm and cry. Marge gasps in horror. "If you want her back, you'll have to do exactly what I say, exactly when I say it. Or none of you will get out alive! Now, back to business," the crazed fan rants. "I'll be done with my story _very _soon. Oh, I just can't wait!" she squeals.

The family watches with dread, knowing their fate is in her hands. Unless. . .

"Uh, Kendra?" asks Bart.

"Hmm?"

"Can I make a request? About the story?"

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"Can Mary Spuckler be in it? I hope you can find it in your heart to give me a chance at true love."

She pauses. Then her glasses gleam. "Yes! Yes, she can. I _love _romance!" Her fingers tap the keyboard furiously. "Maybe I could have you take another trip to New York. Or maybe I could bring back Colin or Gino while I'm at it. Oh, the possibilities are endl-"

"NOW!" cry Homer, Marge, and Lisa. Everyone tackles Kendra and Homer's weight pins her to the floor.

Struggling, she screams, "I've been tricked! No! It can't be!" Homer throws her against the wall, stunning her. Lisa picks up Maggie and hands her to Marge.

They run to the front door. No sooner have they broken out then do they hear Kendra cry out, "You cannot escape me!"

"We'll see about that!" says Homer. And his luck has certainly changed. For in the driveway, he sees a snowplow. "Woo-hoo!" he crows as they get in. "Long live Mr. Plow!"

He speeds away from Kendra, leaving her shaking her fist in her doorway, yeling for them to come back.

Homer drives the plow all the way to the airport. Finally, the Simpsons leave for Hawaii. But Marge still hears a deceivingly sweet voice saying "I'm your number one fan," and she can't help noticing the stewardess's resemblance to Kendra Wilkes. . .

The End?

**And that's the end of _My Treehouse of Horror_. Woo-hoo! My first finished fanfiction! I'm doing mental cartwheels right now, as I can't do real ones. Hope you liked it, as this third act was the hardest to write. Remember: I'm definitely not as insane as my namesake! With luck, _The Harvest _will be finished by the first week of November. Please vote in my poll as to who you think the Reaper is, or leave your answer in a comment or PM. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!**


End file.
